Depression and the Busy Mom

I don’t like being depressed. I don’t like feeling out of control.

I don’t like not feeling like I am at least trying to bring my A Game to life.

I.Just.Don’t.

But, that sadly, this time of year I am not at my best in life. You see, it will be 3 years ago on the 9th of August that we lost our baby girl. We knew that she might not make it. Audrey was diagnosed early in the pregnancy as having Trisomy 18. It’s a horrible chromosomal abnormality that results in many children not making it to birth, not surviving birth or living only for a short time after birth.

Unfortunately our sweet girl didn’t make it very far, but she made her presence known the 16 1/2 weeks that I carried her. Since we were so far along in our pregnancy, we did have to give birth and for that I am thankful. Otherwise, I would never have been able to hold her.

But it doesn’t make it any better or easier. And starting about now, each year, my anxiety ramps up and my depression rears it’s ugly head. The bouts of spontaneous crying. The wondering what could have been. It’s not easy folks.

I’ve had counseling. I try my best to make it through but it’s not always easy and it doesn’t always work.

Normally I take anxiety meds and depression meds. But I feel like it needs to be amped up at least for 3 weeks this time of year. Today I called and made an appointment. I will be going on Friday to see the dr to see if there is anything we can do. So I am going to hang in there for now. Cry when I need to and wear my glasses.

But, my dear reader. Let me encourage you to reach out if you are experiencing anxiety and or depression. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, please reach out to me. I’ll be happy to help you find someone or even talk with you. There is no reason we should go through this alone.